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Babies are gross.

February 9, 2011 by Laura

You were hoping for a nice food blog — PSYCH! You’ll have to get through my morning first.

The sun was not yet round the bend when I heard the sweet yammerings of my older son, Amos, as he attempted to pacify his baby brother,”NOOOOOO Guthrie! Don’t do that! Stop that crying!” ¬†Dale was already awake and downstairs¬†meditating (I kid you not), so it was up to me to deal with my own children at 6:45 b.c. (before coffee).

I gathered up my warm bundles of boys for a morning snuggle and nurse in the big bed. Ah maternal bliss… there’s nothing like having two icy feet in the small of your back while the babe at the breast is hauling on your hair like there was a tarpon on the other end. That lasted about 15 minutes at which point Amos wandered off.

When Guthrie finished his breakfast, I stood him up on my soon-to-be-rock-hard abs and he burped. Out of his mouth and all over me spewed a fountain of barely digested breast milk. Gross, but all in day’s work, right moms? So I get up, clean up, and start to change his diaper. Oops, all the clean dipes are downstairs. I put the cute, naked Guthrie on the floor while I run downstairs to grab a diaper. In the 1 minute I’ve left him, he has taken a huge dump on the carpet. Not sweet baby poop either, but guess-who-ate-half-an-avocado-yesterday poop. All this before 7:30 and coffee. Shoot me now.

Back to breakfast. Breakfast in Nutritaria goes something like this: Fruit smoothie or oatmeal with stuff in it. I’ll gladly eat either and choose a smoothie this morning. Here is the recipe for a smoothie with a high ANDI score (use organic as much as possible):

Serves 2 or 3

Into a blender put:

1 banana

1 handful of spinach or kale leaves

1 cup frozen blueberries

frozen mango chunks

1 tablespoon or so of ground flax seeds

pomegranate juice and/or soy milk until the consistency is where you want it.

Blend & drink.

Yummy, right?


  1. Craig says:

    This is fantastic. I remember those days with the fondness spawned of distance, but don’t rue their passing.

  2. slow engine says:

    Do you pronounce it Nu-tri-TAYR-ian? or Nu-tri-TAHR-ian.
    Are spinach and kale really that interchangeable? When I eat spinach I feel wealthier. When I eat kale I feel like I am doing penance for liking spinach a lot more.

    • Laura says:

      Good questions S.E.! I pronounce it with a long A and emphasis on NUT. I did a taste test today, but I had to use red chard, not kale. I can say with confidence that red chard (with stems) is a perfectly reasonable leafy thing to use in an otherwise fruit smoothie. I’ll buy some more kale (I prefer the red Russian variety) and give it a whirl tomorrow.

  3. Doug says:

    This is really cracking me up.

  4. Patrice says:

    Soooooo…….how does the kale shake taste? Will you have a recipe section of yoyr tried & true? You will be a guru for some of us.

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