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Day 1 results

June 29, 2011 by Laura

It’s funny how one day I can be feeling all svelte and self-congratulatory, having lost a bunch of weight, and the next day, with no physical change, can decide that I feel fat. What a crock of shit the mind is. I’m feeling back on track now.

First of all, that Banana Surprise Breakfast, or whatever it’s called, is fantastic. I kid you not, it is really good. I didn’t have pomegranate juice, so I subbed soy milk. I make it every day now. Other gastronomic re-discovery: Collard leaves as tortillas. Cut the spine out of the raw collard leaf; spread almond butter (I’m thinking of you, Elie Perez) on the leaf, sliced banana on that & roll ‘er up. Surprisingly tasty, and it builds hippie cred.

So I’m down 4, count ’em, 4 pounds from when I re-started. Wasting away, really… sigh.

Interestingly, people have commented on how “skinny” I am now. Granted I’ve lost a bunch of weight, but the scale doesn’t say “skinny;” my BMI doesn’t say “skinny;” and my clothes are not size skinny. When I say I have 15 more pounds to go (actually 11 now), I get that sort of sideways, bewildered dog look, as if I’d just said I was planning to vote for Michelle Bachman. And then comes the “What? No, you don’t have to lose more weight!” Like that’s so silly! And then there are the ones who ask,”Are you still doing that crazy vegetable diet?” Sorry I mentioned it.

I think we’ve forgotten what healthy looks like. More and more–and this is the crux of the whole Nutritarian argument– what’s normal is not what’s healthy. I mean, I was a pretty normal college student. If I’d continued to behave like a normal college student into my forties, I’d be a normal ICU patient.

So I wondered what “normal” is these days. I found on the CDC web site that the average measurements for an adult woman in the US are 5’3.8″ and 164.7 pounds. I plugged these measurements into the handy dandy BMI calculator and lo and behold, average is solidly overweight. And although I am below average weight, I am still in the overweight camp. Fat camp?

Oh, another thing is that I’ve become super judgmental. Just kidding, I’ve always been super judgmental. Now I’m judgmental and slightly contemptuous. A winning combination, to be sure. I now think fake food is a sign of low IQ. You want to offer me Coffee-mate? I’m going to assume your parents were related.

Holy shit, look at this fun FAQ about Coffee-Mate:


COFFEE-MATE Liquid and Powder products are non-dairy and are Kosher according to the Orthodox Union (as indicated by the “O.U.” symbol). As a courtesy, we place a “D” next to the kosher symbol (O.U.) to alert those who adhere to strict religious practices. COFFEE-MATE contains an ingredient called sodium caseinate, which is a milk derivative, though it’s classified as a non-dairy product. How is this so? When sodium caseinate is processed, it is so materially altered that both dairy scientists and government regulators no longer regard it as a true dairy substance. This is why sodium caseinate can be an ingredient in non-dairy products, according to FDA, regulation 21 CFR 101.4 (d). Sodium caseinate is also not a source of lactose.

Oh my  God. What is wrong with people? IT”S NOT FOOD!!

Ok, I have to go to bed now. Sweet dreams. Naturally sweet, that is.






  1. Rn_karen says:

    I do a version of your banana surprise breakfast as my after work snack. I use a whole wheat high fiber tortilla (La Tortilla Factory) with a thin layer of peanut butter and a sliced banana. I call it a banana burrito. Yum! Very tasty and satisfying.

    BTW, recently I took care of a 30 year old with severe asthma. She is 5′ tall, weighs 227 lbs, has been a drug addict (but is 53 days clean from her meth habit) and she smokes. It was killing me. We (the nurses) never feel like it’s OK to challenge the habits these people have chosen. But since this one was only 30, I thought there was plenty of hope to go around. So I asked her about a nutrition consult. She said she was fat because she had to take prednisone. When I asked her if she took any personal responsibility for her weight, she looked me in the eye and said “No!”

  2. Mr. Husbandhead says:

    You’re funny as hell. (But not skinny.)

  3. Deb says:

    I’m so glad I just found this blog. You may well help me keep my food integrity. Must keep reading. 🙂

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